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I think I found myself this morning sitting on a public park bench. I was reading SciFi Novel, watching rowboats in the lake. You asked if I was lonely and I didn’t have an answer so I laughed and called you sweetheart, then I realized my mistake.I remembered I turn twenty on this up and coming Wednesday and I’m still terrified of people, worried my smile’s fake. Sometimes people pass by me, and I happen to catch their eye and we stare for just a moment and then the glance will break. But in that tiny little instant a bridge is built between our brains and neither one will be the same, but that bridge is made of snakes. They keep walking and I gather all the rattles in my basket, If theres a question I don’t ask it. Shouldn’t give what I don’t take. So I guess that means I’m lonely so I sit here feeling homely, but I’d be happy if only, I found love inside that lake. Take my clothes off, empty pockets, walk in with my eyes open, there’s no need to hold my breath, my lungs tremble my heart aches. At the bottom there’s a serpent and she holds me like a monument. By love, this isn’t what I meant, my love, this hasn’t happened yet. My lungs tremble, my heart breaks. My carcass it is bloated, to the surface it has floated. All my failures have been noted But my religion never shakes.

I think I found myself this morning feeling sad and scared and sorry, so I hid inside a story. I’m so sure that its all fake, but it’s the best thing we can make. So I’ll take what I can take.