Things I'd Do for Vanilla Softserve

1. Walk 2 miles, through windy conditions
2. Kiss a lady clown (Denise) who is wearing really ridiculous rainbow suspenders
3. Go to an ice cream factory and fuck shit up
4. Listen to an old person's story and pretend to be interested
5. Perform a rap song for my family at Thanksgiving about the historical inaccuracies of the holiday, while they all eat vanilla ice-cream in front of me (rough).
6. Join a fraternity under the pretense that I was a lady, and learn something about myself in the process
7. Take Denise out on a second date and chat about our lives.
8. Get a thousand paper cuts
9. Fill out a survey with a bunch of weird sexual questions about the role soft serve served in my childhood.
10. Repent
11. Bring Denise home for Thanksgiving and rap to my family about our relationship, while Denise eats vanilla ice cream (brutal).
12. Put my foot in my mouth (metaphorically)
13. Put my foot in my mouth (literally)
14. Explain to Denise that our whole relationship ship is based on a snack. She'll be devastated at first, then see the humor in it.
15. Develop lactose intoleration.